Forgiveness. That’s one of transformative topics for me this week. The 100-year anniversary of Nelson Mandela’s birth seems to be the right sign and a gentle enough push to do what’s next, and how’s right. I know. Love is the answer. I believe it’s true, always.
It started rolling during the weekend. And as always, there are just right people, evens, books, messages…, when I’m ready to notice and hear, and possibly learn something. Mandela’s quote “In a gentle way you can shake the world.” is always very powerful for me. It means being aware of our inner strength and light, showing up for ourselves and for what we believe regardless of consequences, and using our power gracefully to make a difference in our world. It’s powerful also on issues I’m struggling to face or deal with at certain moment. It shows where my ego is keeping a distance, building a wall, and where I’m choosing to close/stay closed. It always shows when and where I’m off #bepowerfulandfree, and I prevent myself to learn and grow.
As a true #bepowerfulandfree believer, I’m surrendering all week to additional healing, nurturing, learning, and growing process. It’s ongoing. Sometimes more gentle, sometimes I need quite some time to get over myself. There was one additional quote of Mandela this week that I’ve noticed, “Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies.” When reading it in a book previous weekend I laughed at the powerful witty analogy, but haven’t laughed much when it stayed with me for showing me my next learning opportunity.
Two days later it was clear, together with Byron Katie’s statement “Even if you’ve forgiven that person 99%, you aren’t free until your forgiveness is complete.” There was also very clear thought, a name, who would that be for me at this time. And my reaction to it was also very clear, and very loud in my head, ‘No, no way!!! No additional energy for him anymore. It was enough. It has to finish. I want it to be over, not dealing with it…”. It wasn’t really over, and obviously hadn’t had enough of it.
There was still anger, and resentment. It was not just 1% left. Now it was more because he’s not even my ex, and I was angry anyway. But it helped me realized that he, however I try to twist it around, is still my family. And family is one of my top values. It was only the additional statement enough that I was willing to surrender, and taking the responsibility, saying “The 1% you haven’t forgiven them is the very place where you’re stuck in all your other relationships (including the relationship with yourself).” That made that 1 or more % too much for me.
And I let it run, my thoughts, my feelings, my expectations, my memories, my interpretations, my beliefs…and waiting for the right thing to show up how to best support my sister in this situation and experience she’s going through. Realizing what I might be keeping out from my life if I’ll keep sustaining the resentment, the hurt, the anger, the ‘not accepting’, it came down to the forgiveness (with love). As Brene Brown’s explaining, “In order for forgiveness to happen, something has to die.”, “Whatever it is, it needs to go. It isn’t good enough to box it and set it aside. It has to die. It has to be grieved. That is a high price indeed.”, and “To be forgiven is to be loved.”
P.s. Dear K., I’m forgiving you. I forgive myself. We are all forgiven. All 100%. Feeling love and peace. Moving forward. Dear sis, keep the faith, trust in yourself, the process, and life. I’m proud of who you’ve become facing your challenges in past 3 years, and continuing your path staying true to yourself, following your heart, and courageously creating a better life for yourself, and your children. Love you.